I'm just scared of A- levels, really.

Took this long ago and it just felt perfect for this post. Art of frustration.

Recently I am doing research on pre-U courses. Well known courses such as A-levels and Ausmat came to mind straightaway. The thing is I can't choose, I really can't. I really think I'm not the kind of person who can cope with hardcore examination based studies which means A-levels, yes, I felt like dying before SPM, I hated Addmaths, I hate Physics, I understand Chemistry but well I still get bad grades, I like Biology but I admit I wasn't hardworking enough to memorize all the Bio syllabus. So I was wondering, is it that I'm not meant to continue in the field of Science or is it that I didn't put enough effort? I started to think about the field Business. I can't decide. Obviously if you ask me I would choose the field of Science, but I just like to know and I'm not really sure if I wanna study Pharmacy, biotech or other medical related degrees.

On the other hand Ausmat is my second choice because I get to choose 5 subjects from both fields, Science and Humanity. I'm not sure. Can I do Law? Psychology? Wait, neuroscience Psychology or just Psychology? I've got thousands of questions about everything. Honestly I wanted to make my life easy and just pursue in Mass communications. I meant, it's fun, and more lively and you know, no more Science and Business. But deep down I know it myself. I can't. I really just can't. I know I wanna to be specialized in something, like really professional specialization. I know I can, if I really study hard but again, the lazy part of me made me hesitate, Wait, am i lazy? Or it's that I really can't interpret the world of Science?

Call me crazy but I've dreamed of being a surgeon, and recently I thought Psychiatrists are pretty interesting. But HELLO that literally means I need to take up Medicine. I MUST BE CRAZY. I admit it, I've never got A for any Science subjects before, Biology was an exception, it was just for one semester though.

And I've thought of Biotechnology, Nutrition, Psychology in Medical, and suddenly here comes Engineering. Wait, I hated Physics the most, no way! I'm in a mess!

Honestly, I'm just so scared of failing A-levels, I'm not a quick thinker when it comes to Maths, I know that myself but no harm trying hard right?


I wanna have a profession. I'm scared of taking A-levels.  I think I've lost my guts.